A conversation with God about my vocation

Hello God.

Hello Son.

I have a problem.

Go ahead.

I don’t think I can be a linguist.

Hm. I thought you liked linguistics.

Yes, I do, but I think I have to give it up.

Why is that?

Well, I’m not sure it matters. It’s not ultimately important. I want to live my life for what really matters most. I don’t want to waste my life, not a minute.

And what is it that matters most?

Your Kingdom, God. Your Kingdom is the only thing that is going to survive this life. Everything else will be burned up! I want to receive a reward for building into the eternal kingdom, not an earthly one. I want to construct my life around the pursuit of souls, not salary. You know, leave my nets and be a “fisher of men.”

Thank you! But, why does this mean you have to give up linguistics?

Linguistics is my version of Peter and James’ fishing. It’s an earthly occupation that I have to sacrifice in order to follow you with my whole life. I mean, I could still do it to pay the bills—maybe, it wouldn’t be the most efficient—but I should do it “as if I’m not doing it” like Paul says—my heart and focus should be on reaching the lost. It’s not like any research I do on language learning is going to be useful in heaven; the only thing that will matter is whether souls received your hand of grace or not.

What about what John Piper’s sermon said about how you can bring glory by working with excellence?

Funny you should mention that, I was just thinking about it.

I know.

Well, that means that I work so that people see my excellence and give you glory because they know I’m a Christian, right? And to really be a linguist, I mean a halfway decent one that I would feel proud of being, I would have to put a lot of energy and life into it just as a field in itself, maybe work that people wouldn’t notice or appreciate. We’re talking countless hours reading, theorizing, researching, writing, publishing. Lots of people are good at linguistics—I’m not a genious, and I’m not sure that every paper I write is going to make people go, “Whoah, you’re a genius, you must be inspired by God, tell me about your beliefs!”

So you’re not sure that people will necessarily adore me because they see your work ethic.

Right, I mean, it seems like a stretch. Lots of non-Christians are really good at their jobs. I know I can hold my own and earn respect but that’s about it.

Well, what about them? You can invite your colleagues to dinner and such. You know, develop relationships through your job and seek the Kingdom in those.

Yeah, that’s good. That’s good…

What is it? You seem hesitant.

What it comes down to is that I don’t just want my job to be a means to an external end. Whether at home or abroad I don’t want to work all day just “so that I can…” fill-in-the-blank, speak into the culture, meet people, show people that I’m a gloriously good worker, etc. It feels duplicitous. I actually want the work I’m doing—the work itself—to mean something. I don’t want to live a meaningless career in order to live meaningful weekends. I can’t give my heart into intellectual pursuits if I think it’s all for naught. I mean, there ARE jobs that are inherently meaningful, outside the church, right?

Indeed, some a great deal more meaningful than those inside it.

Okay, but are any of them meaningful apart from the fact that people notice their excellence or their faith in you?

Absolutely. Some of my favorite people have gone quite unnoticed.

Then how….oh wait, got it. You mean that when we do our work, we’re showing you we have faith by obeying and working hard and trying to abide in you while we do it. So it doesn’t really matter what I do as long as I do it in faith.

That’s right.

Let me get this straight. I do anything that I want, abiding in you, and it can be meaningful and have eternal value?

Yes.

Trash collector?

Yes.

Hermit?

Yes.

Accountant?

Yes.

Salesman??

…Yes.

God I thought I had you with salesman. Okay, fine…so when you say “eternal value” you mean that these jobs are means that can help turn our hearts to you and in that sense, as physical means to spiritual ends, they have eternal value. But nothing of the job itself is valuable.

Who told you that?

Um…you?

I don’t recall saying that. But I do remember that I gave your father Adam the command to fill the earth and subdue it. I told him and his descendants to participate in the making and ruling of the physical world.

But this earth is passing away…

Do you think you alone will be redeemed? The earth also is groaning for redemption. And it’s waiting on you. I am redeeming it through you—you are made in my image to be kings of the earth and to exercise my kingdom over creation, physical and all. Art, music, literature, science, technology, exploration, agriculture, industry, education—these are all ways that you reign as free men, stewards, lords, saviors of the physical world. Of all my creation man alone is both spirit and flesh.

Wow, okay…but…being an accountant might help you bring order to the universe but it can’t be eternal. No one is going to be an accountant in heaven. It’s still not eternal like a soul. There’s no “phonetic analysis of English speakers” in heaven that my research will contribute to.

Who told you that?

Wait! Are you saying there is linguistics in heaven?

There is linguistics that would make earthly linguistics seem like 2^nd grade sentence diagraming.

How is that possible? We will speak in the tongues of men and angels and all that.

It is not possible for you to understand heavenly sciences right now. Your brain would explode, Son. But just ponder the concept of angelic linguistics for a second.

What about accountants? Surely there’s no moneychanging in heaven.

There’s something of which the accounting you’re referring to is but a premonition.

So, how does the linguistics I do on earth end up in heaven? I mean how can my feeble work contribute if there’s already “angelic linguistics”?

It happens in ways you cannot imagine. But trust me, the essence of every work and object that you do will have its existence there. You can say I am one of those parents who puts all of their children’s art on the fridge, and it ends up getting framed later and becoming a really valuable heirloom years later.

That’s like some kind of Egyptian burying-your-gold-so-you-can-take-it-with-you nonsense.

*Sigh.* You moderns are so convinced you know better than the ancients. Well, let’s just say that the Egyptians were onto something but they lacked my truth and power and ended up with a lame imitation.

Okay, wow, really cool—I’ll have to think about that more. But, there’s still something bothering me. You commanded us to make disciples, to be your ambassadors, right? I mean, as much as everything we do day to day might be important, that is the most important because you commanded us to go to the nations and evangelize. “No Plan B” right?—WE are the means you have chosen to reach the world. If we don’t evangelize people will die in their sins. “How can they believe unless someone preaches to them?” You can’t tell me that our reaching the world for Christ—human souls—is not more important than doing other things that glorify you. You love man most of all your creation.

Well, he is the crown jewel of my creation.

Exactly.

But I think you are confused about something.

What?

Well, I did command you to make disciples of all the nations, and I meant it. But it sounds like you are taking responsibility for making it happen.

Well, yeah, God. We’re ambassadors. We’ve got to work on your behalf. We represent you. That’s how you set it up. The way you’ve designed it, we’ve been tasked with preparing the way for your spirit’s work. So we have a responsibility to do that work.

The way you’re describing it, I’m in heaven, and you’re on earth, doing the work.

Well, in the power of your spirit, yes. Your spirit functions through us.

True, but you’re forgetting the other side of the coin. You function through my spirit. In other words, it is my spirit that stirs and acts in you. It’s not your responsibility, it’s mine.

Wait, God, are you taking sides on the whole faith vs. works issue here?

It’s not a question of faith vs. works. It is works of faith. Works of faith are works done by those who work to live out my commands, while also accepting the truth that all of their ability to do so comes from me. My spirit is a power entirely alien to the human soul. It blows where it wishes; you are not responsible for its causes, nor its results. You can only receive and rejoice.

That seems paradoxical. Obey your commands but accept no responsibility?

It is paradoxical. I love paradoxes. Think of it this way: destiny. How many great stories have a hero who has some sort of mysterious destiny?

Quite a lot, actually.

That’s because it’s a real thing. Destiny is when the protagonist has a mission that he must pursue by the sweat of his brow but there’s something greater than him that’s moving him toward it all along. When I command you to make disciples, I’m not so much trying to convey marching orders as to show you your destiny. I never meant for you to take it and run with it. I was trying to say that you would do great things by me, not that you should do great things for me, as if I were sitting up here in heaven waiting for you to fetch the stick and drop it at my feet. My spirit is alive in you, the lamp of your soul going everywhere you go. He will bring about every good work I have intended you to do.

I don’t know, God. When you gave us the command to make disciples of the world it sounded like you were giving us a responsibility to me. I mean, “You shall be my witnesses in Jerusalem and Judea and Samaria and even to the ends of the earth…”

“…When the Holy Spirit comes upon you.”

“Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations…”

“…and lo I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

You said, “As the father sent me I am sending you.”

And it was then I breathed on the apostles and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit.”

Oh my God, I think you’re right.

I do know the book pretty well.

Well, what about all the great heroes of the faith who have been so sold-out and burdened for the lost and have gone to great lengths for you?

If I wanted them to go to the nations, what is it to you? It was my Spirit that raised them up, and my spirit will raise you up to the things I have planned for you. Don’t compare. I have plenty of great things in store for you, just wait. Don’t worry about being great, just be mine.

It does kind of take the guilt and pressure out of it. I’ll admit I’ve had some.

You are free to pursue every good work, including reaching out to others, with all your might—without the pressure to perform. Trust me, I’ve got this. I’ve got YOU.

Well, *phew*, that’s actually…really relieving, God. Thanks.

You’re welcome.

Okay, so if you’ve “got this” then…well what job do I do? What am I supposed to do? I’ve been focused on that directive for so long.

That’s up to you.

You mean I just do whatever I want?

If you’re abiding in me, yes. Well, almost. I think “drug dealer” is out.

How do I choose?

Pick the one you have the most joy in.

Why joy?

Well, you are free. Joy is the motivation of free people.

How do I know which one I have the most joy in?

Haha, I can’t tell you that. Well, I could, but it’s much better if you figure it out. You’ve got to learn to know yourself. Go crazy, follow your heart! I love to see you happy and fully alive.

Gosh, there’s so much possibility now.

Really does open the world up, doesn’t it?

Hmm.

Go ahead, think for a minute.

God?

Yes, Son?

I think I want to be a linguist.

Future tense and good intentions

The basic form of the future tense in English is [will + verb], as in I will rake my neighbor’s leaves. Interestingly, this modal is homograph and homophone for will (n.): determined intention, or the act of asserting a choice, and will (v.): to exercise the act of volition in attempt to accomplish something. I bet that at some distant point in the past, intention and futurity were commingled in this word.

The other form of the future tense in English is [be going to + verb], as in I am going to rake my neighbor’s leaves. Interestingly, this has the syntactic form of a present progressive tense, as in I am typing a blog post, occurring on the verb go (to travel or move toward a destination), followed by an infinitive. The progressive expresses a current state of ongoing action or process, and the infinitive is a truncated verb phrase that is always used to talk about uncompleted future goals or targets. Therefore, we can say that the second form of the future tense could be interpreted as “being in a current state of process of going towards a yet-unrealized future goal.”

I think it is no coincidence that our two ways of expressing future tense are intention and targeted movement. We obviously cannot make declarative facts about the future because we cannot know what will happen. What we can do is make statements of intention (will) or prediction based on extrapolations from the present (be going to).

My question is, can one of the forms expression be true without the other? Will you rake your neighbor’s leaves if you are not going to rake your neighbor’s leaves? Semantically, it’s a contradiction.

And yet I let this contradiction slip into my life all the time. My grammar betrays the difference between my alleged intentions and my real priorities. I say I will do this or that, but I don’t make any motion towards the goal.

“I will spend more time in prayer with God.”

“I will reach out to that lost friend.”

“I will invite them over for dinner.”

Oh God, give me the strength of mind to unite my will and the motion of my hands and feet, even as I write this. Let me show the sincerity of my resolutions by the immediacy of their visible effects in my life. Let my future intentions be present tense.

Wheat and weeds

Jesus tells us the story of the wheat and the tares. A farmer sows wheat into a field, but his enemy comes by night and sows weeds (tares) too. When the plants sprout, the farmer’s servants say, “Master, didn’t you sow wheat? There are tares too.” The farmer says, “It must have been my enemy!” The servants ask if he wants them to root up the tares, but he replies, “No, because you’d uproot some of the wheat too. Leave it all until harvest time, then you can harvest the tares and the wheat separately.”

We are all seeds in the process of becoming full-grown souls. Many philosophers say that the point of hardship is the forging of virtue, that life’s hard journey is about proving, and even creating, our love for God and man. Becoming people ready for the glories of heaven is a process that takes until our last breath. God is our potter, and the point of our justification before him is more the beginning than the end. He shapes us relentlessly into saints. But the opposite is also true: the man who has rejected God spends his life fortifying against the truth, constructing self-defenses and self-justifications. With each act of the selfish or lustful heart, the heart becomes darker still.

But the things that proceed from the mouth come from the heart, and those defile a man. – Matthew 15:18

It is a vicious cycle. When we are done on earth, our deeds and decisions will have crafted to perfection that character that once lay only nascent in our hearts, whether good or evil. Then our true colors will show in the court of the great judge.

Even a child makes himself known by his acts, by whether his conduct is pure and upright. – Proverbs 20:11

We will have become who we are becoming. Our identity will be consumate. When our souls are full-grown, God will judge us and divide good from evil.

Wheat and weeds have no ability to change, to veer off from their inevitable maturation. But the glorious and fearful gift of being human is that, ever since Adam and Eve, we have had the choice to believe what we want, whether God’s word or lies, and consequently to become who we want to be. So, who am I becoming? Who do I want to be? Let me act today toward becoming a full-grown son of the kingdom of God.

Supplementing faith

For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 1:5-8

There is a conscious effort to the life of a Christian once he has been awakened. Both justification and sanctification are initiated and accomplished by the power of the Holy Spirit, not by us; but there is an added responsibility on the child of God once he has been educated by the Spirit and begun to be like Christ. We are to work together with the Spirit, to “work out what he has worked in” (Chambers) even as the Spirit Himself works the purification of our hearts (Philippians 2:12-13). The mark of a partially sanctified heart is that it wants to be more sanctified, and thus moves to participate in the continuing sanctifying work that the Spirit oversees from start to finish (Philippians 1:6).

A good way to conceptualize this is comes from the term “supplement” ( epichorēgeō – “supply, provide, furnish”) in 2 Peter 1:5. We are to nourish and feed our faith with these things – virtue, knowledge, self-control…they are the nutrients that help faith grow. Imagine a man who has just come out of a heart attack coma. Once he realizes he has been in a state of near-death, he must eat, drink, take vitamins to restore his health and energy. When he is stronger, he must then begin to exercise, and mind hid diet, and in general change the lifestyle behaviors that contributed to the heart attack. Consciousness brings with it a responsibility to work toward the change of his body. A man who continued to sit on his couch and eat cheeseburgers and neglect his heart attack medicine would deserve a second heart attack.

Likewise for the person who has been awakened by the grace of Christ. Upon realizing that he has been quite spiritually ill up to that point in his life, he must immediately take actions to supply his new faith with nourishment. Each of the qualities in Peter’s list comes from God, but is manifested through the struggle and decision of the man. If we know that God has given us by his grace the precious gift of belief, the only response is to do everything in our power to nourish, protect, and supply that belief, that it might grow strong and take inseparable root in our hearts.

Let the man who has been saved from heart attack supplement healthy living and medicine, and let the man who has been saved from sin supplement the grace of God with every effort to make his own faith in God grow.

Josiah came too late

2 Kings 23:24-27
Moreover, Josiah put away the mediums and the necromancers and the household gods and the idols and all the abominations that were seen in the land of Judah and in Jerusalem, that he might establish the words of the law that were written in the book that Hilkiah the priest found in the house of the LORD. Before him there was no king like him, who turned to the LORD with all his heart and with all his soul and with all his might, according to all the Law of Moses, nor did any like him arise after him.

Still the LORD did not turn from the burning of his great wrath, by which his anger was kindled against Judah, because of all the provocations with which Manasseh had provoked him. And the LORD said, “I will remove Judah also out of my sight, as I have removed Israel, and I will cast off this city that I have chosen, Jerusalem, and the house of which I said, My name shall be there.”

Sometimes repentance comes too late, and the hammer of the consequences of sin must yet fall.

Melvin and Feer

There once were two gentlemen known by the names
Of Richard P. Melvin and Phineas Feer.
Richard, a banker, had money and fame
And lived in a waterfront house with a pier
But Phineas, a chimney sweep, hadn’t the same
He barely scraped by after taxes each year

One day, Richard realized “All that I’ve gained
Still isn’t enough”
So he took a rope and chair
and hung himself

That very day, Phineas despaired
that he had never made himself a name
So he took too many pills
And ended his shame

Now what they knew not I will tell, lend your ear
The pursuit of material things is all vain
So to us who are left between Melvin and Feer
Let us look not henceforth to the trophies of man
Nor in man himself, even, for wife and dear child
Will not themselves sate the desire inside

I know of only one satisfaction
That which rich and poor seek
The grace of God

The inevitable possibility of bad choice

[Largely plagiarized summary of select portions of the second chapter of C.S. Lewis’ The Problem of Pain.]

If you say “God can create a creature with free will and at the same time withhold free will from it” you have not succeeded in saying anything about God: meaningless combinations of words do not suddenly acquire meaning simply because we prefix to them the two other words, “God can.”

Intrinsic impossibility
“In ordinary usage the word impossible generally implies a suppressed clause beginning with the word unless.” For example, it is impossible for Johnny to win [unless Mark, Brian and Tony are all disqualified]. However, there are some kinds of impossibility that are intrinsically self-contradictory, and are thus absolutely impossible. That is, the sentence has no qualifying clause, and is impossible in all worlds under all conditions for all agents. For example, “That square box is round.” The only way this could be true is if the nature of space were different from that we currently experience; but such a condition is entirely outside the realm of scientific speculation.

The omnipotence of God does not mean that he can do the intrinsically impossible. “You may attribute miracles to Him, but not nonsense.” The old question “Can God make a rock that is too heavy for him to lift” is mere wordplay. “It remains true that all things are possible with God: the intrinsic impossibilities are not things but nonentities.”

What comes with our self-identity
Any attempt to remove from the existence of free beings the possibility of bad choice is intrinsically impossible in the sense above.

I cannot be me (or at least be self-conscious) unless I perceive myself in contrast to non-me (e.g. you). If we had at all times identical thoughts, passions, and choices, then how might I comprehend my individuality apart from you?

If we are able to perceive each other, to have a mutually conscious co-relation between our beings, then we must exist in an environment which enables a contrast between us. “The minimum condition of self-consciousness and freedom would be that the creature should apprehend God and, therefore, itself as distinct from God.”

This environment which enables yours and my mutual perception and relationship must be objective, that is, of a fixed nature and distinct from either of us. If, as the existentialist says, I create reality, then you don’t really exist; you are a mere character in the play which I am writing. Similarly, if we both exist, but the environment is entirely in my control, then you would be quite incapable of communicating with me or making your presence known to me, because you would be unable to manipulate matter, i.e., the means of communication between our selves. I would be animate, but you would be trapped inside a manequin. Therefore, two souls must meet in a world that is objective and “fixed”, that is, not entirely subject to my will or yours.

Now, if we are truly agents of choice created to choose, or relational beings created to relate to God, and if choice or relationship requires an objective medium through which two beings interact, then the ability to choose that which is not God, comes as part and parcel, quite unavoidably.

Now, could God have created a world in which all our bad choices would have been obviated and all bad consequences evaporated immediately? Well, if we could abstract this scenario, we would find our choice, our identity, our very selves, to be quite stripped away. If only one of our options would actually have a result, and the other action would have its effects slurped up by divine benevolence, then we would really only have one truly option. The right to choose includes the right to have the results of your choice. It seems God is not interested in pandering us as little children; he gives us, Lewis says in another chapter, the “intolerable compliment” of a world that allows the effects of our choices to play out without his (direct) interference.

So we conclude simply this, that our mere existence as free, self-conscious individuals contains within it, naturally and inseparably, the possibility of bad choices. This seems to be simply “how things are,” woven into the fabric of the universe in which our minds can operate. There are no alternative “ways it could have been.”

This train of thought – the inexorable existence of the possibility of bad choice in the world, and its seeming inevitability – brings us to question why God decreed that we would be such dreadfully free creatures (us). We thus take a step up from questioning the omnipotence of God, to engage the more challenging and intriguing question of his goodness.

Psalm 25:12-15

Who is the man who fears the LORD?
He will instruct him in the way he should choose.
His soul will abide in prosperity,
And his descendants will inherit the land.
The secret of the LORD is for those who fear Him,
And He will make them know His covenant.
My eyes are continually toward the LORD,
For He will pluck my feet out of the net.

Amen, amen, amen. May it be true of me, Lord.

Recreation and walking with God

I had a conversation last night with a friend, in which we agreed that we should always strive to live a life of excellence, never turning up an opportunity to please the Lord and do good. We used Micah 6:8 as a benchmark verse for defining “good,” or what God expects of us.

He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you, but to do justice, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?

We disagreed, however, on how one applies this verse. This issue really arose around the question, “Can recreation for personal enjoyment be an optimal way to walk with God?”

Take, for example, a man who has the choice one evening between watching a movie (as a champion archetype for all things recreational) or reading the Bible (as a champion for all spiritual disciplines). Which action is better than the other? We could claim that reading the Bible is always better than watching a movie, thereby eradicating recreational activity for the devout (since we presumably always have access to Bibles), but that is quite a heavy claim.

We are left, then, either to determine that we cannot make the judgment, or to judge based on his motivations. “The movie is an idol.” How can we make this determination without the ability to see into the heart of the man? Only by saying that recreation is always an idol. In other words, obeying Micah 6:8 and acting for one’s personal enjoyment are mutually exclusive.

Are they?

I don’t think so. Consider this response to the man’s dilemma: “Lord, I could be reading my Bible right now, but this movie would be more relaxing. I know you have given me the freedom to enjoy things in life without fear of condemnation. Thank you for buying this movie for me with your blood. Thank you for joining me with your warming, intimate presence as I watch it.”

Could it be that watching a movie is, at times, the way to be most satisfied in Christ? Are there times when reading the Bible becomes a legalistic chore? Now I know that we are to exercise discipline beyond the level of our emotions, but I’m talking about the kind of obedience that says, “Well, I should…” with the undertone of “…or God will wag his finger at me.” There are times in my life when I’ve just read the Bible (or done whatever kind of spiritual discipline you please) out of a fearful sense of obligation. And there have been times when I have heard God say, “Just go watch the movie, kid,” and I exhaled a big sigh and said, “Thanks, God!” That movie was a wonderful, God-given gift, in which I “walked humbly with God.”

I am closer to God because of the freedom he gives me and the generosity with which he gives it. Since I have been given the right to be called his son, God is pleased when I am pleased. How incredible, that he is genuinely concerned with my happiness! Whenever I am open-handed and humble before him, he gives me the world as a playground of grace. And this does not produce in me self-centeredness. Rather, it makes me love him more, and wish that others shared in the blessing.

Praise be to our God and Father that he has made a time for everything, and with the giving of Himself has given us every good thing in this life. Drenched in gratitude, even my recreation is worship.

As always, thoughts of any sort are welcome!

Casting lots

The cast lot puts an end to strife
And decides between the mighty ones. (Proverbs 18:18)

I have grown up with a stigma against using chance to make decisions. However, I don’t think the Bible necessarily endorses this prohibition. Even the Urim and Thummim, parts of the adornment of the High Priest, were supposedly used to cast lots in making decisions. Now, casting lots haphazardly in order to avoid taking responsibility is one thing. But in a thoroughly considered, 50/50 split, what’s wrong with leaving it to chance? My powers of intellect and decision-making have this in common with the coin: their conclusions are both controlled by the Lord. Either, when properly consecrated to God, can be an effective means of decision making.

The lot is cast into the lap,
But its every decision is from the LORD. (Proverbs 16:33)

The mind of man plans his way,
But the LORD directs his steps. (Proverbs 16:9)